[Todos] On the art of paper-making

[fvicent en dm.uba.ar]

La siguiente es copia de una carta dirigida a un colega consultandole las
maneras de fabricar papers.
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Thursday, October 29, 2009
David Smith
Exeter University

Dear David,
Subject: The arts wherein the professors employ themselves.

Last time I sent you a letter you were very busily engaged upon a project
for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers. By now I hope you are done with
the matter and have submitted a paper on the results of your research to
the ORS Journal.

As you remember I was a faculty member of the Academy of Lagado at the
Kingdom of Laputa on an island in the air about two miles high. I am sorry
to inform you that I was given the sack the 11th of April, 2009. Let me
describe the cause having produced my demise and the desolate conditions
that followed whereupon.

At Lagado a professor is expected to publish two papers per solar year,
exception being made if it is his sabbatical year. I had never had a
problem satisfying  this rule of action. To be frank, a chum of mine Moshe
Sniedovich is editor in Chief of a little known journal of the Aussy OR
Society, and he accepts a paper of mine in exchange of a paper of his
being accepted by the Laputian OR magazine.

Unfortunately Moshe was killed last December while visiting some friends
in Israel when a firecracker sent by Hamas landed on his head just when I
was about to send him my paper. Thus I failed to fill my 2-paper quota for
2008 and the board of trustees breached my contract.

Now I am out of work and feeling depressed. I am sick of watching tv
movies, of reading newspapers, and of rambling with my dog. Out of boredom
I had a silly idea: I will write a paper on how to fake a paper! I was
surprised in the past by some of my colleagues who were able to output 5
or even a dozen papers in a single year. I wonder how did they managed to
perform this deed …or should I say this trick? Let us see,

1) Having a setup with a friendly editor like I had with Moshe.
2) Searching an old paper in my field and concocting a new one by making
some parameter changes.
3) To join a clique with the common purpose of fabricating coauthored papers.
4) ???

I wonder whether you can help me to extend and/or enhance my list. I am
sure Moshe will be sending you his blessing by the CBS (Celestial Bell
System)

Cheers,

Fabio